I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
