if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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