Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
