Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
