No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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