I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
