you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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