do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
