I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
