i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
