I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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