Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
