you guys were way drunker than both of me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
