My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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