I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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