Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
