I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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