my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
