Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
