That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
