Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
