go do what you do best...puke behind churches
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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