how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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