i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize