How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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