i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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