i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
