I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
