she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
