Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
