I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
