i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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