The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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