can u get pink eye on your cock?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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