literally had 100 drinks last night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize