but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
