they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
