the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
