I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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