Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
