She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
