Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
These tits shall not be calmed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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