ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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