can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
