How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
