Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
