I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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