I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
