he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
