I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
