I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
