...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize