I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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