So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
