You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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