I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
