I want to make a zoo with you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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