3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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