"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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