He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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