u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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