I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
