I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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