why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
