if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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