I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
